I Suck at Zazen

Zazen
Yesterday I tried zazen for the first time. I did this for two reasons: the first is in order to focus and calm myself in hopes of being able to push through the workouts. The second was in order to see if it could aid in overcoming some obsessive-compulsions I have and to see if I could calm my over-active mind. I'm just starting to learn about zazen, so forgive me if I'm doing it for the wrong reason.

I sat for fifteen minutes trying to clear my mind. I could only do it for a few seconds at a time. I really enjoyed it, though, and found that fifteen minutes flys by quite quickly. I'm interested in seeing what I can learn about myself and my mind in the many days to come.

Taste
I'm always amazed at how more sensitive my taste buds are becoming. The other day I put too much soy sauce on my rice (watch out for the high amounts of sodium), and hardly enjoyed my rice at all. I used to douse my rice in the stuff -- no more. With the right amount of soy sauce the flavor of both the sauce and the rice are eminent.

One month left. I'm going to try to push harder than I ever have.

Fail!

Fail: a popular meme on the Internet when someone really messes something up. But this is the new theme for our workouts. We are now required to perform most of our workouts until we experience muscle failure. We're not talking burning on fatigue here, we're talking failure.

Wow. This is exceptionally tough for me. I know that it's mind over matter, that I have to push myself to keep going, but that is so much tougher than it sounds. When I was jumproping today, I began to tell myself all the good things that I now am, and all the bad things that I am now not. It really helped, and it would help even more to have someone screaming at you not to quit; but we're our own drill sergeants here.

Wish me luck. I am really going to need it.

My "Dirty" Indulgence

I'm sitting at my favorite café, Aroma, in Champaign, IL. Since I've been on the PCP, I've switched to drinking skim lattes where as I used to consume mochas religiously. So for my indulgence, I figured I'd revisit that old friend, Ms. Mocha.




I'm 3 sips into it, and I want to throw the damn thing away. Now hear me out, I don't mean to turn this into the, "OMG, fresh, natural food is so amazing I automatically despise anything manufactured" sort of spiels that you are used to hearing; but I kid-you-not, this thing tastes different. It used to taste rich, creamy, and chocolaty to me. Now it tastes "chemicular" -- seriously. Overshadowing that tasty barbituate chocolate is something sharp and acidic. I can't exactly describe how it tastes, but it tastes a little bit like a household cleaner smells.

This experience is a bit liberating. With my last indulgence I had Thai food, and I still crave it as it's not bad for you in and of itself aside for the high amounts of salt. This mocha is flat out bad, and the great thing is, I'm not going to miss it. I'm going to happily go back to my lattes, knowing that I'm missing out on nothing.

This is why we are allowed these indulgences. To show us where we are and where we've been. It's a great feeling knowing that where I've been is a place that I never want to go again.

The 4th of July

I celebrated the 4th of July with my relatives, as usual. This time they learned that I don't eat meat as of the beginning of this year, but I happily chomped away at veggies, egg salad, and beans. I did good by not overindulging on anything and stuck to the diet.

My workouts went rather well. I was able to get them done quicker than usual. It's been taking me a really long time to get through my workouts as I have to rest a while between sets on some workouts in order to hit all my reps.

Unfortunately, I had to abort the chest dips. When I went down on the first one, I felt a sharp pain in that pesky shoulder socket I've been complaining about, and I couldn't push myself back up. I figured it was better resting it another day than to risk severely hurting it.

I'm enjoying the timed jumproping as a change, and I'm looking forward to eliminating the last of my damn belly fat.

Shoulder Strain

Hmm, so my shoulder is still hurting this morning. Nothing excruciating, but it definitely hurts when I move it. I hope it clears up today.

Pretty High on Life

I'm pretty high on life right now. It's been a good week, and things seem to be getting better.

Today I had an awesome workout. I burned through my 2000 jumpropes, then pushed myself hard on the strength training. While I didn't have any PCP dreams last night, when I was doing chest dips today I noticed that my left shoulder would release air frequently. When I finished a set it would hurt like hell! But it'll pass. My elbows used to click when I started the project and now they don't. I'm actually enjoying my smoothie, believe it or not. I just wish I could put strawberries in it instead of apples.

I've learned that the best way for me to push through a workout is to convince myself that I am a machine. We've all heard the saying, "mind over matter," but when I'm working out, I have a tendency to put the next set off. Now I tell myself that I am a machine, I must act on cue, there is no pain. Believe it or not, it helps.

I'm feeling really good right now, and you gotta love how you look after a good workout with swollen muscles.

Back in the Game!

Today I set a new personal jump rope record of 1176 consecutive jumps! I'm pretty excited about that. In addition I did 34 more chest dips than required. It's rewarding tapping sudden strength like that.

I also seem to have beaten the sleep demons! I've been getting up between 5:45 AM and 7:45 AM the past couple days. I won't get up as early as I hoped tomorrow, but it'll still be before 8 AM. Today I even got up and jogged a bit. I also walked to the grocery store instead of drove as my car is down, and I checked out bicycles at a shop nearby. I actually love how not having a car to rely on has forced me to seek other forms of transportation.

I think the PCP is seeping into my soul. Last night I had a dream that someone was going to eat some white bread, and I began to explain to them why they should choose wheat, and how it's made out of a different kind of grain. I guess this new found knowledge is really setting in.

I'm pretty pumped as I really feel back in the game now. I'll work on getting a pic with better lighting up tomorrow.