Traveling on the PCP: The Aftermath

In terms of sticking to the PCP, not everything has been fun and games. Here's the worst part.

I leave the reception around 11:30 PM with a friend. A two and a half hour trip awaits us. I'm in a town that I have never been in before, and my iPhone is dead so I can't look up directions. I knew that a southbound Interstate was due East. It sure was, but it took a long time to get to. On top of that, I should have taken the next Interstate as this one took us out of our way. To make a long story short, our two and a half hour trip turned into a four hour trip.

We get home at 3:30 AM exhausted. I didn't get to bed until about 4 AM. I've struggled with consistent sleep schedules for years, finally breaking a bad sleep schedule a week or two ago. Granted my sleep schedule degraded again, but this spun it ever further out of control.

I wake up in the afternoon with no energy. I didn't eat all of my food, and I didn't workout. Waking up late causes me to stay up late again, not only for this day, but for everyday since until last night. Last night I crashed about 9 PM. I was looking forward to getting up at 5 AM, but a phone call woke me up at 1:30 AM. I tried hard to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I got back up and didn't crash again until 4 AM. I set an alarm for 7 AM, but ended up snoozing all the way into the afternoon. A bad sleep schedule is such a vicious cycle, and it still continues today. Here I am finally blogging at 12:19 AM when I should be asleep right now.

Here's the part that I really don't want to admit to as it shames me, but I'm going to. Not only have I not consumed all of my food since last Thursday, I haven't worked out either. Tonight is going to be the first day that I've worked out since then.

I've failed, and I'm behind. I'm still extremely slim, and I haven't noticed any additional fat, probably due to the fact that I haven't been consuming all of my carbs, but I haven't put on any more muscle either, obviously. I'm so discouraged right now. I've let down Patrick, Chen, my team, and all of my readers, and for that I am truly sorry.

This is not me saying that I'm quitting, though. This is me saying I'm sorry -- this is me coming clean. This is me promising to get back in the game, completing this project successfully. I've come too far to quit. I can't look back. I hate the old me. I love what Chen, Patrick, and my teammates have done for me.

This project has truly been life changing, even in the short time we've been doing it. One of my biggest flaws is in the area of commitment. I am terrible about following through on things. I could blame it on laziness, ADD, or a slew of other things, but in the end it is still an excuse. I can change -- I want to change. When I complete the PCP, it will be the first long-term commitment that I will have followed through in a very long time, and I will be proud to have followed it through to completion.

I knew that of the three team members that I would be the weakest link, but I'm going to change that. I need your help. I really need your encouragement right now. More importantly, I need your forgiveness.

The PCP is not easy. Sometimes I allow my pride to get in the way, hiding the hard truth behind some of my struggles with the PCP. It's like I want to show that I've got it under control like it's no sweat, but I don't have it under control.

Chen, Patrick, Corry, Sean, readers: please forgive me. Allow me to make this up to you, and to catch up to you, in the weeks to come.

Thanks for listening,
-David